How to Establish a Bed Time Routine for Baby

The best time of the day has arrived! It's finally bed time. You're exhausted, I know, and all you want is for baby to go to sleep peacefully, without a fuss, without crying, and then to stay asleep for as long as possible.

Does baby know that it's bed time too? By developing a routine that you implement each night your baby will begin to recognize that the day is winding down and it's soon time for bed. 

My own children love a schedule. They take comfort in the familiar and knowing what is going to happen next. Sometimes it's a battle to get the process started, but once we kick off the first step of our routine, they start to relax.  As babies, our children followed the following basic routine: 

1. Warm Bath: we don't necessarily use soap or wash their hair each night, but warm water is soothing and helps make babies sleepy;

2. Boob or bottle: Immediately following their bath and putting on their onesies, we rocked them in a chair with milk;

4. Song or book: we sang them lullabies while they drank their milk and we always finished with the same familiar song. Reading a story, even the same story every night, works well too;

5. Change diaper;

6. Swaddle or sleepsack, or however else you ready baby for bed;

7. Bed.

[A tip that has worked for us: Past the newborn stage, my children were awake when I put them into bed. We never rocked them to sleep and they therefore learned how to put themselves to sleep early on.]

Knowing the routine prepares baby for bed so that he is less resistant to it. Routines need not be time consuming and can be adapted to suit your style. For example, taking your child for a walk before bed as the first part of a routine so that he can benefit from fresh air is a great idea, but may be exhausting for you. Giving a bath every night may also be exhausting. The most important thing is consistency. So choose a routine that you will stick to, try to start it at the same time each night and perform it in the same order each time. 

Other bedtime routine ideas:

Wash baby's face, baby massage, talk quietly about what she experienced that day, say goodnight to all objects in the room and outside, play music.

Feel free to comment below with bedtime routines that have worked for you and which you would like to share with other parents.

Happy sleeping! ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Reward Charts for Toddlers: Shaping our Children's Behavior

Positive reinforcement and reward-based techniques are generally more effective than any disciplinary measures and are the best means to moulding and shaping your child's behavior.

While the idea of reward charts isn't complicated, their actual implementation does require some thought and proper planning (ie. what behavior to reward and how to reward specific behaviors).

Reward charts, positive reinforcement and a continuous cheery and positive attitude at home worked wonders for my child, truly. My child was acting up - She wasn't listening, she was hitting other kids in school and she was testing me at every opportunity. In an attempt to curb my child's negative behavior I would have consistent "talks" with her, constantly explaining the importance of listening, of keeping her hands to herself. I would punish her with time-outs and by taking away her favorite toys for a short period of time. On rare occasions, if she was really giving me a hard time in public, I would cut the outing short and take her home (this may only be effective if your child is not trying to leave a situation by acting out on purpose). My tactics weren't enough. They were not working and not only was it exhausting and sometimes inconvenient to implement them, I often felt sad for my child, that she was consistently bombarded with negative reactions from her parents (and probably teachers). I was exasperated, starting to feel worn down and desperate for a solution.

I decided it was time for a big upheaval in the way I was doing things. It was time to change MY
behavior.

I went online and printed out a reward chart and devised a plan, a new way of doing things. Fast forward to about a month and a half of consistent use of a reward-based system and my child's behavior has improved exponentially. It's night and day. That's not to say that she doesn't' act up on occasion, she is three years old after all. But her attitude is completely different. Her desire to please her parents and receive positive attention far outweighs any propensity towards obtaining any attention for negative behavior.

Here is how to do it:

1. Print out a reward chart (click here for some great charts). A 10-step chart is ideal; Toddlers normally understand the concept of 1 to 10 and have an idea that the goal is within their reach.

2. Put the chart on your fridge and explain to your child how it works. If you're trying to achieve specific desired behaviors (such as eating dinner nicely, taking a bath without a fuss, going to bed without crying, etc.) then write these goals down on the page and review them with your child. Explain to them that they will get a sticker for their good behavior.

3. Explain to your child that when they receive a certain number of stickers on the chart, they'll receive a "big" reward (for example, my chart has 10 steps - At step 5, I drew a picture of a muffin and wrote "Baking muffins with mommy"; At step 10, she gets a surprise). Try and find things that appeal to your child and reward accordingly. Activities with mommy and/or daddy are always best.

4. Give your child a sticker as soon as possible after the desired behavior. Don't forget!

5. On the first day of implementation of the chart, reward your child at least once for good behavior (even if you're pushing it or have to look really really hard to find something positive). Start your child off right.

5. Make a REALLY big deal when you reward your child. Big smiles, big hugs, and tell your child you are proud of them.

6. Let your child choose the sticker and let him/her put it on the chart. Count how many more steps they have to go before they get a big reward.

7. Reward them with a"big" reward as soon as possible after they're entitled to it.

8. *** Most importantly: Consistently remind yourself to check your behavior. Your child is learning from you. Your child is leaning on you. Keep calm and BE the example of positive behavior. Telling your child not to yell while you're yelling is nonsensical.

And that's it!

Of course there are variations of reward systems. I have two charts, one is a calendar where I allow my child to place smaller stickers for multiple good behaviors throughout the day, and the second is a 10-step chart where I allow her to place one big sticker at the end of the day if she was generally good all day. The "big" rewards flow from the 10-step chart. The idea here is to be constantly rewarding and praising with small stickers, and using "big" rewards more sparingly for consistent good behavior.]

Don't expect results in a day or in a week. It takes time for a child to take in exactly what it is we want of them and to start adapting their behavior accordingly. It took a full month of implementing my system before I really saw big changes in my child.

Essentially you are steering your child in a certain direction, showing how attractive positive behavior can be. Such a system obviously has to go hand in hand with a positive parental attitude and outlook. Additionally it should also be used in conjunction with other methods when required. It is important to talk to your children and explain to them the importance of acting in certain ways as opposed to others. It's also sometimes important to discipline when a given behavior calls for it. Certain things, such as hitting, are never acceptable. A time-out, confiscation of a toy, or even removing your child from a situation is sometimes necessary.

No matter how your child has behaved, no matter how tough or challenging the day has been, always remind your child that although you may be upset, may be really really upset, mommy and daddy still love them, always. 

How to Flirt When You're No Longer Single

I used to flirt. I used to have this shy thing going, this demure, lashy innocent stare I had down pat. But that was a long time ago. A decade ago really. 

It was a time before toddlers and diapers. A time before marriage. And while it was also a time before mom jeans, first grey hairs and fine laugh lines, I don't believe the reason I haven't gotten my flirt on in a while is a lack of potential flirt suitors. I'm just busy. And tired. And so out of practice that I think I may have forgotten how to flirt. 

But isn't flirting healthy? Even if you're off the market for ten years, married for five, and still carrying leftover baby weight following the birth of two children, doesn't flirting remind one's self of one's own sex appeal? Isn't that a good thing? And is it wrong to flirt once you've ticked off certain 'life milestone' boxes? 

I believe a certain amount of nonchalant, contextual, fleeting flirting when you're no longer single isn't bad at all. I think it's healthy, as long as both flirting parties feel comfortable and know that it's simply a friendly exchange, which can be likened to a tip of a hat, the opening of a door, and nothing more. Obviously, it should never be done in front of a significant other or in such a way that would be crossing any boundaries, but what's wrong with a locking of eyes and a smile once in a while after you've gotten a great blowout, or tried out a new red lipstick, or spent that extra time in the morning choosing the right outfit? Am I right ladies?

Only very recently, now that I'm able to sleep through the night without waking up multiple times to feed another human, now that I've had time to blowdry my hair and fit into my old clothes, now that I'm starting to feel like me again, I've rediscovered what a joy flirting can be. It reminds me that I am still an attractive being. I don't know about you, but a little flush of the cheeks makes me feel nostalgic, like I'm a teenager again. When I walk away giggling to myself like a ridiculous schoolgirl, I feel good. So, I figure it might be fun to lay out my ideas of what constitutes 'acceptable', 'harmless', 'all in good fun', flirting techniques for those women who are no longer single and who just want some fun endorphin-releasing attention. 

The Harmless Flirting Do's

1. Eye contact is EVERYTHING.

You know that smile with your eyes thing? I think it's really more about brow manoeuvres and glaring, but it works. Try and lock eyes with a stranger of choice and do your best to 'smile' (without smiling), using your eyes. It might sound absurd, but something magical happens when you connect.

2. It's all about the Head Tilt

Looking down and then up slowly giving a sideways glance is mysterious, and sexy. Especially when accompanied by a shy smile. 

3. Hair play

Whatever the length of your hair, running of your fingers through it is playful. 

4. Lightheartedness

The goal of this whole experience is to get your kicks and go back home to your partner, so don't take yourself too seriously. Keep it light and fun.

5. Leave them wanting more

Cut off any flirtatious talk mid-conversation, however short it may be. Leave them hanging. You're a busy girl...I mean woman, so keep it short.

6. Have fun

Well, this is self-explanatory.

The Harmless Flirting Don'ts

1. No physical contact

Keep it innocent. You don't want to cross any real boundaries or create any situations you may regret. Hands off. Look but don't touch. 

2. No exchanging numbers

(or facebook/instagram/twitter/snapchat accounts)Why would you? Don't get carried away. Nothing good could come of that.

3. No Flirting via text/pictures, etc.

There is something very substantive about flirting in writing. Shit gets real. It requires some real planning on your part. Don't do it. It's not a good idea.

Remember, there are no real rules, but using proper judgment is key. Don't put yourself, or significant others in an uncomfortable situation. Have fun and if you feel like you want to, get your flirt on! 

“She wore her sexuality with an older woman's ease, and not like an awkward purse, never knowing how to hold it, where to hang it, or when to just put it down.” 
― Zadie Smith