Monday, 26 September 2016

How to Flirt When You're No Longer Single

I used to flirt. I used to have this shy thing going, this demure, lashy innocent stare I had down pat. But that was a long time ago. A decade ago really. 

It was a time before toddlers and diapers. A time before marriage. And while it was also a time before mom jeans, first grey hairs and fine laugh lines, I don't believe the reason I haven't gotten my flirt on in a while is a lack of potential flirt suitors. I'm just busy. And tired. And so out of practice that I think I may have forgotten how to flirt. 

But isn't flirting healthy? Even if you're off the market for ten years, married for five, and still carrying leftover baby weight following the birth of two children, doesn't flirting remind one's self of one's own sex appeal? Isn't that a good thing? And is it wrong to flirt once you've ticked off certain 'life milestone' boxes? 

I believe a certain amount of nonchalant, contextual, fleeting flirting when you're no longer single isn't bad at all. I think it's healthy, as long as both flirting parties feel comfortable and know that it's simply a friendly exchange, which can be likened to a tip of a hat, the opening of a door, and nothing more. Obviously, it should never be done in front of a significant other or in such a way that would be crossing any boundaries, but what's wrong with a locking of eyes and a smile once in a while after you've gotten a great blowout, or tried out a new red lipstick, or spent that extra time in the morning choosing the right outfit? Am I right ladies?

Only very recently, now that I'm able to sleep through the night without waking up multiple times to feed another human, now that I've had time to blowdry my hair and fit into my old clothes, now that I'm starting to feel like me again, I've rediscovered what a joy flirting can be. It reminds me that I am still an attractive being. I don't know about you, but a little flush of the cheeks makes me feel nostalgic, like I'm a teenager again. When I walk away giggling to myself like a ridiculous schoolgirl, I feel good. So, I figure it might be fun to lay out my ideas of what constitutes 'acceptable', 'harmless', 'all in good fun', flirting techniques for those women who are no longer single and who just want some fun endorphin-releasing attention. 

The Harmless Flirting Do's

1. Eye contact is EVERYTHING.
You know that smile with your eyes thing? I think it's really more about brow manoeuvres and glaring, but it works. Try and lock eyes with a stranger of choice and do your best to 'smile' (without smiling), using your eyes. It might sound absurd, but something magical happens when you connect.

2. It's all about the Head Tilt
Looking down and then up slowly giving a sideways glance is mysterious, and sexy. Especially when accompanied by a shy smile. 

3. Hair play
Whatever the length of your hair, running of your fingers through it is playful. 

4. Lightheartedness
The goal of this whole experience is to get your kicks and go back home to your partner, so don't take yourself too seriously. Keep it light and fun.

5. Leave them wanting more
Cut off any flirtatious talk mid-conversation, however short it may be. Leave them hanging. You're a busy girl...I mean woman, so keep it short.

6. Have fun
Well, this is self-explanatory.

The Harmless Flirting Don'ts

1. No physical contact
Keep it innocent. You don't want to cross any real boundaries or create any situations you may regret. Hands off. Look but don't touch. 

2. No exchanging numbers
(or facebook/instagram/twitter/snapchat accounts)Why would you? Don't get carried away. Nothing good could come of that.

3. No Flirting via text/pictures, etc.
There is something very substantive about flirting in writing. Shit gets real. It requires some real planning on your part. Don't do it. It's not a good idea.

Remember, there are no real rules, but using proper judgment is key. Don't put yourself, or significant others in an uncomfortable situation. Have fun and if you feel like you want to, get your flirt on! 

“She wore her sexuality with an older woman's ease, and not like an awkward purse, never knowing how to hold it, where to hang it, or when to just put it down.” 
― Zadie Smith

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